It was the first day I went to high school. My teacher who taught us on the first day was very happy to see all of the students participated in the class. Her name was Yuyun, we called her Bu Yuyun. This day we were going to the introductory session. We had been asked what do we want to be when we grow up. Someone answered want to be a doctor, musician, and etc. It was my turn that I said later I will go to Massachusetts Institute of Technology and become great the engineer and renowned inventor. Bu Yuyun smiled on me, at the same time she was wondering why the first time high school student could know this university. Not only knowing it, but he also declared with great confidence that he will be there someday. Even at the end of the day at high school, Bu Yuyun still remembered what I said, maybe because of my goddamn confidence.
When it was in second grade in high school, I always came late, frequently didn’t go to the class, made some trouble, even called by my PKn’s teacher because of C mark on my PKn major (for which I cannot improve to the next grade) , then Bu Yuyun knew this information and came to me, she told me that I was a clever student. She came in as if she was a messenger went to tell me that I later will be a great person and she wanted my great inner potential unleashed. My ignorance which led me continuously playing a game, got a poor grade and frequently being a troublemaker made me wonder why Bu Yuyun still wanted to remind me of my purpose despite I never thought about it.
This writing created when I was cleaning up my bedroom. There I was opening my pile of sheets from high school. The reminiscence of this pile of sheets never failed me to uncover my old memories. I also suddenly found my autobiography which was an assignment on high school. This paper looked a little bit shabby, but I was amazed by the picture drawn on the cover of this paper. The cover was an MIT logo! I slowly read this paper with careful attention, I was touched by the contents of the paper, I just realized that the old of me was a witty, a bit rebellious, but still a boy with his big dream. To be honest, I felt the difference when I was as a child and me as an undergraduate student. I’m quite sure those two were very different of mine, I started to realize as if there was a boundary to which I have been doing in college. It seemed every decision I made so rigid, the choices I took were hollow, did not represent my true self. This surrounding pressure became real as if everyone drove me not to try expressing any wildest on dreaming and afraid of making any mistakes.
Those things have been mentioned above on their minds were regarded as a silly thing. I have to admit because I understood now I have been on the environment which on the future we have to be a professional, plus our capitalistic education restrained every student which violates the rules must be punished, same as when stuff on manufacturing line were diverting, the factory workers would rearrange it toward a mainstream. Nevertheless, the college has given me so many opportunities and self-development, but still, there was something left which more important that I thought this could even ruin my entire journey, it was my genuine characters which were free and brave to imagine the impossible future.
These several days are actually the time where I sit back to contemplate everything I did, I feel there’s something wrong about decisions I have taken since college. I have to restore myself to go back to my old self, this is the reason why I reopen my pile of sheets because I miss my old self and the same time feel nauseous to myself right now. I give myself time to be free for a while for I believe from it someone could unleash the fullest potential as an individual. Unfortunately, reality slaps me again right now, it seems that I must wake up and board on to the ship of reality tossed around waves of daily routine, but when I find a new island along the journey, I will come around for a moment to contemplate, step on the world of freedom just to find my old spirit and grasp it tightly. Because from resurrecting my old spirit, the genuine character of mine will reveal, then the more convinced I am that every path I decide later will be much unpredictable and I am waiting for those moments.